Here’s a spoonful of honesty from my blog to your eyeballs. Yes, that’s right. I like to say things like eyeballs instead of eyes. I don’t know why that cracks me up. The word eyeballs reminds me of one of my comedian heroes from the cult classic series Strangers with Candy, Amy Sedaris, who has a curious fixation with plastic googly eyes, which she obsessively uses in one of my favorite books Simple Times: Crafting for Poor People.
Whoops; I got side tracked! All right, back to this post. I obviously haven’t written in a very long time. Some of you who read this may think I’m a severe procrastinator. I protest that I only procrastinate once in a while when it pertains to superficial things like oil changes, mending clothes, car washes, and other mindless tasks. In contrast, when it comes to important goals or tasks that require attention, I become like a Jack Russell terrier furiously fixated on a ham bone placed close to the edge of a kitchen counter; no one is more intense and focused than I when it comes to going after what I want. So why haven’t I tended my art blog? I admit that I’m a very private person and a part of me is afraid to post about my artwork and my life.
An art blog entails that I expose aspects of my life that inspire my artwork, so I want to express genuinely to art enthusiasts and readers out there where my life is now so that they can better understand my works. To be honest, my life for the past few years hasn’t been a box of puppies, and my artwork at times reflects that. Don’t get me wrong; I recognize the blessings in my life like my friends, the love of my life, my Maltese, and my family. Financial prosperity and career fulfillment, however, have been clever mistresses in my life that have left me bewildered and exasperated.
I’ve felt them slip from my grasp time and time again, and as a result the freedom I desire in other areas of my life is restrained with the strength of a dangerously defensive boa constrictor. “What do I have to do to make you stay?” I’ve found myself silently beg like a jilted paramour. I’ve received whispers of success from my art, which created stirs of hope, but I’ve come to understand that my client base will take a lot of time, patience, and exposure to develop. Art will always have a strong place in my life, but for now it has become a side car passenger while I strive to find a full-time position to take the lead in my life to bring fulfillment emotionally, and financially.
In the quest to find such a position, I’ve encountered more twists, turns, ups, downs, and challenges than Alice from Lewis Carrolls’ Alice in Wonderland. In fact, I’m pretty sure she would feel so overwhelmed in my royal blue pumps, she would simply explode. Tufts of blonde hair and black hair tie fragments would be found speckled all over the slack jawed from horror, untimely, white rabbit. Curiosity didn’t kill the Cheshire cat, but it sacrificed an adventurer who tried to find her way home. In a way, I want to find a position that will guide my way home much like Alice, without any explosions of course.
My journey has led me East and West. In one direction, I felt golden rays of optimism from the risen sun, in which I met very professional contacts from organizations that I would be more than honored to represent. In the end, those organizations chose other candidates instead of me. I respected their decisions, but it left me at a dead end once again.
In another direction, I’ve watched the sunset and met the unforgiving chill of night through bizzaro interviews. When I say bizzaro, I don’t mean it in a whimsical or charming kind of way.
These other types of interviews I’ve had came in one of two forms; begrimed older gentlemen who only wanted to employ vacant, beautifully slim legged young things that made great coffee, or overworked managers who so potently salivated with negativity it would take the paint off a car, let alone take the varnish off my confidence. I’ve actually walked out of those interviews, looked up at the sky and said “Really? Not sure what I was supposed to learn from that.” Yes, I sometimes make sarcastic comments to God. Not exactly respectful, but honest none the less! God appreciates honesty, right?
Even when I feel like a hopeless steel ball in a pinball machine, punched mercilessly by flippers, I take a step back, and say that the next day I will continue to make an effort to move one positive step closer to my goals. I’ve learned a lot despite how painful it’s been. My attitude and optimism have shifted realistically. I’ve never believed in deluded optimism that says wishing on hearts, stars, and unicorns gets you what you want in life. I clearly understand that God has a plan, and the plans I have for myself may not align with what He has in mind for me, so I have to be flexible in regards to my efforts, dreams and life paths. I have to stay open and keep working hard.
I’ve moved away from applying to openings in the marketing, public relations and advertising industries for now to pursue other positions in other fields, including entry level positions with veterinary practices because I love animals and care a tremendous amount for my own little dog, Angel, and would love to share my skills. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for me, but I’m happy that I’ve come clean to you, dear readers, so you know where I stand as an artist, and person. Some of my latest artworks I will post soon, and I will keep you updated as to festivals my work may be exhibited in this year.
I personally believe that everyone is a champion in their lives who tries, gives their best, and deals with defeats and wins gracefully. Being the eclectic music listener I am, I’ve been listening to Queen a lot lately, and I’m pretty sure that “We are the Champions” written by Freddie Mercury said it best…
“I’ve paid my dues time after time.
I’ve done my sentence, but committed no crime.
And bad mistakes, I’ve made a few.
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face but I’ve come through.
We are the champions my friends.
And we’ll keep on fighting until the end.”